Lessons Learned
Three Suggestions from Veteran Stepmoms​
ShannaBee's List

I have been a stepmom for three years. I was having so many problems with the bio mom that one night I was googling advice for stepparents and came across this forum. It has been a life changer! I have had many struggles in my stepmom journey from drama to the pressures of TTC my own bio. Well I have finally been blessed and I love my little girl to death!

I would love to go back in time and do things differently! For one I would not have engaged in bio mom's name calling, slander and drama. If I'd known she'd cyberstalk me I would have made all my social networking profiles private so that she could not get on my profiles and read my blogs/comments or see my pictures so that she could not send me mean messages. I would have blocked her. I would have stayed away from her blogs and not read the nasty stuff she wrote about me NOT KNOWING ME. The first time she found out DH had me as a girlfriend she sent him nasty text messages calling me names, and she didn't even know me! I would have ignored her existence completely.

I also would not have jumped in head first. My in-laws made me believe BM was a crappy mom. I felt like I had to step up and "save" my stepson and be a positive female figure in his life. Little did I know that BM really is a good mom and I'd been stepping on her toes and that also created a lot of friction between us. 

I would have gotten myself into counseling and persuaded DH to do the same.

I would have put everything on the table and discussed things before marriage instead of waiting til after marriage to tell DH I had a problem with A,B,C. 

While I cannot undo or redo things, the hard road made me a stronger person. I do fantasize about a perfect steplife in which me and BM got along and SS did not manipulate and hurt his father and that he was well behaved. But there is no perfect life or blended family. I chose to marry this man and I muddle through all the hardships because I love him.
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