Lessons Learned
Three Suggestions from Veteran Stepmoms​
Learning-as-I-go's List
I'm a smom to 3 awesome boys!!! They are 7 and 5 year old twins. I've been with dh for going on 3 years now. We've been married for over a year. 

1. The first thing I would do differently is not get so involved so early on. I feel like I jumped into this whole smom world instead of getting my feet wet first. I went from being a kidless single girl to a married fulltime smom of 3 in under a year. Now that I look back on it I think we should've dated longer and taken things slower.

2. I wasn't prepared to love these boys as much as I do. I feel like I get my heart broken by them in some way every day. It's nothing that they do intentionally, it's just life and how it goes. I didn't realize until now that a child could break your heart with a look or a word. I don't think I would change this but I would've better prepared myself for these experiences. 

3. Don't sweat the small stuff. I spent a lot of time when I first became serious with dh, worrying about bm and all her drama. I've realized now that I put myself and dh through all of that for nothing. She was, is, and never will be worth all the fights and arguments that I put dh and myself through. 

4. I'd have more faith in my dh and his feelings for me. I think the ex wife/husband will almost always make a play for their ex when they meet someone new. Most of the time I don't even think the ex really wants that person back because of their feelings for them, it seems to be mostly their ego talking. I should've realized that dh divorced bm for a reason and he's also with me for a reason and kept that in my head while going through all of that drama. P.S. the bm will most likely try to use the skids to accomplish her goal of getting dh back. She will talk to dh about how they should be a family and that they need to be together for their kids. Also she will probably put thoughts into the skids heads. Bm went so far as to ask the skids if they would like mommy and daddy to be married again. After that I wouldn't put anything past bm.

Just know that this will most likely be the hardest yet most rewarding experience of your life. It has been for me, but also if you don't think you are gonna be in it for the long haul just don't do it at all.
Stepmoms on a Mission®
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Cathryn@smoms.org