Lessons Learned
Three Suggestions from Veteran Stepmoms​
Smomwithstyle's List

Things I would do differently....as a soon-to-be SMOM of SD 11. 

1. I would not spend MY money to buy SD clothes. In the beginning, I took Sd shopping for new clothes, and it was fun, so I continued. Well, I have been the only one to buy her clothes for the past three years. I think everyone got used to me buying for SD that they stopped all together. Now, I look back at all the money I spent on her and I kind of regret it. I'm glad SD enjoys the clothes, but it's not really my job. FDH should have done it. I made the mistake of insisting on the beginning shopping trips cause it was one of the only things I could think of that would be fun for us to do together, but looking back, it should just be a special occasion type of thing. 
2. I would try to see more things from FDH point of view, and take care of our relationship. I am so wrapped up in my own insecurities, drama with BM, etc. that I barely have enough energy to focus on anything else. Maybe if I tried to focus on my relationship with FDH, I would have less energy to wrap up in drama, etc. 
3. I would not go to relatives or (certain) friends for advice. My parents, and other people who have no idea what dynamics are at work, have given me horrible advice. I wish I would have found this site earlier! Only go to people who know your situation, and have sound advice to give. If anything the advice my parents and friends have given me has only driven a wedge between FHD and me. 
4.One thing that I definitely would NOT do differently is counseling. Every time we leave the office, we feel great about our relationship and our future together.
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