Kindness Guidelines for being a Member of SMOMS.org
1.Safety and Dignity: Always treat each other with dignity, patience and kindness to create an expectation of emotional safety and acceptance on the site.
2.Give and get Compassion: Recognize that feeling understood and acknowledged for whatever you’re feeling is the first step in healing and dealing with emotionally stressful situations. Offer compassion and support to sister SMOMS and expect to be given the same treatment in return.
3.SMOMS Honor Code: Please take responsibility for the intention and energy you bring to this site. Come to SMOMS to get help with your stressful, complex and challenging situations and/or to help other stepmoms with theirs. Come here to learn more about yourself, your emotions, your behaviors, your choices and your relationships. Stay here because being here nourishes you in some way and helps you feel better about yourself and more empowered in your life. Stay here because it gives you the chance to give back and share the wisdom you’ve gained on your stepmom’s journey. With all that’s going on in the world, take an active role in keeping SMOMS.org a safe haven.
4. No profanity: Please choose NOT to use profanity to express yourself. We all know what you mean when you say, “Freakin” or “screwed” or “Crap” or “ca ca’, “witch” or “Turd”, etc. Be creative. Please make your point without using profanity. Two exceptions, hell and damn are OK. When in doubt...if it’s OK in elementary school, it’s OK here.
5.Vent about your life: Express any feelings you’re having or have had, fear you’ll have or imagine you’ll have about your own life situation. Whatever you’re feeling, no matter how awful, horrible, stupid, enraging, unfair, cruel and/or crazy-making it has been, you're free to share your feelings about your situation on the BB...with one exception- see #2.
6. Disagreeing on post content is AOK: Feel free to offer a differing opinion about whatever a SMOM writes in her post. Whenever you disagree or see things differently, please share your thoughts but stay focused on the subject matter. Your perspective and experience can be very helpful. We all know it’s easier to be objective when we’re not the one going through the crisis. The more differing perspectives and choices help us feel more powerful when they are offered with the intention to broaden options..
7. Different, not better than: Always use a respectful “tone of voice” and NEVER be critical in any way that dishonors a SMOM as a person. Disagreeing with her opinions is AOK, disrespecting her is NOT. We can disagree on issues, be direct, even blunt and candid with our opinions and still be respectful. This is a choice and a requirement for being part of SMOMS.org. Anyone who refuses to respect sister SMOMS on this site will be banned after a warning and conversations as needed.
8. No “pep rallies” for hatred: You can not use the BB to encourage and/or perpetuate hatred for another person. Expressing your hatred for someone because of what they’ve done to YOU is OK. It’s part of your story. See #3. But to commiserate and encourage each other to feel more hatred and/or be cruel or hateful to another person is NOT OK. To use a graphic example, we will not be “Klu Klux Klan-like in drumming up hatred for anyone...this kind of posting will get you banned from the site.
9.General BB mostly for crisis situations, emotional processing and creative problem solving: If you feel upset, “triggered” or angered by someone else’s post, please Do Not reply to the post and move on to another post. We have 10 different forums on this BB, even an “Off-Topic” board for sharing everyday, lifting, happy topics with SMOM friends. SMOMS is not supposed to drain you, but be a place to be emotionally fed and supported.
10.Tell us what you need: When you post, tell us what kind of support you need. Since we’re all in differing and ever-changing emotional places, tell us how we can best help you whenever you post. Want to vent? Feeling fragile? Need a gentle shoulder? A sounding board? Some tough Love? A Fire lit under you? Some lovingkindness? Want ideas? Need insights? Looking for ways to handle a tough situation? Need clarity? A pep talk? These are only a few options. If you tell us what you need, the chances are very good, you’ll get what you want from SMOMS.org.
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SMOMS Serenity Prayer
(If you want a magnet with this saying, click on SMOMS Offer)
“May I have the patience and humility to believe things can get better,
The willingness and courage to avoid blaming and to look at my contribution to each situation,
And the energy and flexibility to keep trying new ways to create more love and less stress in our lives.”