Cathryn's Mailbox
Stepmoms wrote in, Cathryn replied​.
Cathryn's Mailbox
2 Youngsters I can't control.

3 yr old SS crying all the time!

A bio-mom worried about new stepmom in her daughter's life- can we help?

About ready to throw in the towel!

About to become a step parent and am terrified!

Bio mom badmouthing me to my stepson & he repeats to me & my kids.

Bio-mom back & I'm hurt by her impact-what can I do?

Bio-mom doesn't want me present at any of my skids school events.

Bio-mom is online stalking & has issues w/ pictures of skids.

Bio-mom physically assaulted me & telling skids it was the other way around?

Bio-mom used me, I drew a line, she’s angry--now what?

BM doesn't want her kids, then does-what's going on?

Clarifying Mission Statement for SMOMS-revised

Dealing w/ bio-mom who doesn't want to get along with me?

Dealing w/ Deceased Bio Mom's Extended Family

Dealing with SD at my young age

DH finds out he has a daughter-I feel terrible

DH sets no Boundaries for SD20-what to do?

DH w/3 bio-kids not trying to bond w/ my 2 bio kids.

Do I love my ss? I don't know.

Does the BB help or hurt with issues?

Don't know where I went wrong

Ever Feel Like Leaving?

FDH feels guilty about leaving BM & allows her to excessively call/text/email him.

Feeling like invisible parent to stepson- help!

Feeling like the enemy in my own house: Teen SD

Feeling resentment towards my SS & can't connect

From BB- A Ritual for you & your beloved

From BB: Self-awareness can hurt...why is that?

Help w/situation that dad, biomom & skid all agree on but I don’t feel is best

Holiday traditions? Some ideas from sister SMOMS

How can I find the right balance & Boundaries?

How can I handle my SD8 who loves negative attention?

How do I cope w/DH's need for perfect family when I'm more realistic about it?

How do I deal with a lying SD, her bio-mom & the ex-step mom?

How do I deal with all the hurt and anger?

How do I help her understand that chores and rules don't mean that I don’t love her?

How do I stop SD from lying to me, DH, BM, and BM's boyfriend?

How to accept bio-mom's "bad" choices?

How to deal w/ unkind skids, ex-wife, MIL costing me my relationship?

how to deal w/SD choosing bio-mom for school play?

How to handle bio-mom who keeps asking for more $$$?

How to handle it when skids away Christmas Day?

How to help ss, when BM encourages him to lie?

How to help when bio-mom returns

How to let go of the single life I thought I saw going to live versus being SMOM?

How to make transition easier for skids?

how to step back in after stepping out?

Husband still feels guilty, his kids in their 30’s

I am frustrated with my skids 99% of the!

I feel jealous of DH's ex & unheard by DH-Help!

I feel left out & sort of invisible w/ grown SD’s

I really love my FDH, but really wish his daughter didn't exist?

I want a better relationship w/ teen stepson

I want a Closer relationship w/ stepdaughter

I want my bed back

I would like to know how to change my attitude towards my new inherited family

I'm at the end of my tether... Stepchildren don't seem to like me.

If you're in the mood for SMOMS Pep Talk-read this!

Invested so much love, time, energy & $$...seems it's never enough

It's too much work- I need help from DH & Family!

Jealous of sister-in-law & Skids-what can I do?

Just jealous or maybe time to leave?

Local support stepmom groups???

My DH doesn't understand why my feelings are hurt

My husband stays at his mothers when he has his daughter for the night.

Need better coping skills to do so…

No matter what I do, bio-mom still hostile. I feel hopeless & scared

Not a step mom yet but need some guidance

Open for your Questions in March 2015

Right now, I HATE being a Stepmom!!!

Self-Pity-it's an emotional numbing,energy draining tactic

Someone to talk to when things come up or whenever?

SS5 keeps throwing his BM in my face! Help!

Struggling w/ a jealous stepdaughter

Stubborn DH and sexually active teenage SS

teenage step daughter & car...Ugh!

the problem is my partner...why is he fighting my efforts?

Transitions and Coparenting Struggles

Trouble coping w/BF's newborn & ex.

Venting Guidelines- A Requested approach

What are reasonable expectations?

What are these letters?

What boundaries do I need to set with husband and sd?

What can we do about the rage! I "Lost it" last night. Help!

What to do about disrespectful 20 yr/old SS

What to do when Bio mom starts turning step daughter against me?

what to do when step child stops saying I love you?

When bio-mom sends stuff from life w/your DH?

When BM causes drama, how to prevent that impacting my relationship w/ the skids?

When to call it quits? What to do?

When winning more important to bio-mom than getting along

Why do things Skid's say bother me so & what to do?-Updated!

Why does it bother me that my skids don't recognize how much their father does for th

Why does my ss's rudeness bother me so?

Why does my stepson Idolize his bio-mom????

Why don't I matter in the family?

Why so jealous? What about irrational fears?

Venting Guidelines- A Requested approach
Hi Ladies, I realized I upset many of you when I returned (for various reasons) and if I had a magic wand, I'd go back and do it differently. Since I don't have that wand, I'm trying again to clarify a guideline that, for whatever reason, is very important to me and our mission.

First VentingSadSeems we agree on this part.)
Venting is a very essential tool, skill, method of dealing with the complex emotional situations we face. It's a way to self-respect ourselves and honor our feelings. It often helps us eventually figure out what's really going on for us AND probably most importantly, it gives us a healthy way to move the very powerful energy (that strong feelings can create) out of our bodies. We learned very early on in SMOMS that being able to express how we feel and having others understand and not judge us is an important gateway to being able (and willing) to move forward and find ways to help ourselves and our situations. There's certainly no timetable on this process. Everyone is different and every circumstance is different. It's just a sequence of events that we find very helpful in our personal process.

So, with that said, how's this for a new venting guideline:

When you're sharing your feelings about anything and anyone on this BB please use words that you would be OK hearing from your adorable 8-10 year old child or skid. I'm not saying you're limited to their vocabulary, not at all. It's just that if they said, whatever you are writing, you'd be OK with it, feeling it was appropriate. When it doubt, use this as a way to calibrate your choices. Certainly the wordless symbols people like to use for strong feelings are another effective way to express yourself.

For Example, "I think this person is a despicable, cruel, narcissistic, sociopathic, self-centered, borderline, bi-polar, lying lazybones whom I hate, detest, despise and distrust." That's OK. And yes, you're probably not going to hear an 8 year old say something we might actually say here at SMOMS but the point is that all those words are good descriptive words that express feelings and give readers a darn good idea of what the writer is feeling.

Here's hoping that those of you who were upset with (or unclear about) my original message and/or feared a loss of freedom of expression, can feel comfortable with this as a guideline.

Sincerely, Cathryn

PS I've given all the feedback about my words and my sudden reappearance a lot of thought. I appreciate all the comments.

REPLY FROM BUNNY (only one who replied so wanted to include it)

I have no problems with these suggestion. and I'm the one who hands out the cyber-frying pans to the SMOMS in need, also, I don't cuss, but I do use symbols or mis-spelling of those words!

Also, a lot of SMOMS here will announce in their subject line: "This is a VENT" and then they ask for suggestions. I think if we employed the "vent" option in the thread titles more often, then we can be forewarned--choose not to read it, or of course, if we do reply, try to not only sympathize w/ the SMOM, but also give her some constructive ideas.

Hell, Cathryn, if I hadn’t found SMOMS when I did (back in 2007) I would've been thrown in jail by now for kicking so many peoples' butts! LOL!
Cathryn's Mailbox
Stepmoms on a Mission®
PO Box 7, Medford NJ 08055